I figured I haven't talked on this ole' blog in a bit... Well maybe that isn't true, but I like to talk. You like to talk? Who doesn't!!! It's Friday. It was an emotional one for me. Quite honestly one of those where I just needed to stay home and not deal with anyone or anything. I need pizza, popcorn, and yes even a soda {which I prolly won't have}. I am an emotional wreck because well... Well because God gave us a monthly cycle and heck, you can better believe that sometime during it, I'll break down. I do always feel better though with the after math!!! LOL.
It's chilly and I like it. Makes me think of hot cocoa and fires. In fire places of course. We don't have one, cause we opted out of ours with it being an extra 2000. But I can dream. One day I'd like one that's for sure! It's a day where my mood meets chilly weather+pj's and its the best place for me to be. But alas I have a million and one things to do today! LOL.
I am going to vent here. It isn't an notion to make you have pity, or to tell me I'm being too hard on myself, or to even suck it up. It's just venting folks...
My biology test came back. I failed it like nobody's business too. I am not proud of it, but honestly it made me feel a little better that I wasn't the only one. Seriously there are 27 peeps in my class and only 5 people passed the test. The average was a 52 if that tells you anything. The girl that sits to the right of me got a 66% and was so excited!!! Really? This class actually ticks me off. First my professor talks so above our heads, tells off color jokes, likes to kill animals, and is really strange. Then he doesn't really lecture. He talks to you like you should know the stuff already, then will answer your question but goes off on this tangent so wide, so long, and so weird you don't get your question answered. And people I'm in a biology class but I am learning chemistry. Not mind you, I am not that ignorant enough to know that you need both of those in sciences, but he focuses so much on chemistry that one of the girls in my class that took chemistry said she's learned more in his class than in hers.... Yes, I can take some blame. Although I studied, I did not study until I was dreaming about the materials. However, I did study like the dickens for my lab quiz I took yesterday. Studied hard. Studied long. Studied. Studied. Studied. So much so for one of the first times in school I've felt confident enough to take a test... It's a lab quiz remember.
IT WAS 8 PAGES LONG OF FILL IN THE BLANK. 8 PAGES. Yes, 8 pages. I am still marveling over it. So he's got these study guides you can print off online right? I printed it off and studied my butt off. He reviews the day prior on each of our labs. Go home and study that too. Feeling great about it all.... Take quiz. But wait, let me back up. I ask him a question this week about the quiz right? Do you know he told me he loves to mess people's minds up by asking the question in a different manner to see if they really know the materials? So I actually said to him, are you serious? Yeah. He's serious. I can't believe it... And he's right. Not only does he ask his questions that are jacked. He makes you doubt what you know. He twists it in such a way that unless you're in his head, you're not going to get it. No matter how much you studied. Honestly the quiz was harder than the test I failed. I. Kid. You. Not. 8 pages... Of fill in the blanks. And has the nerve to tell us that we all should get a 100%. On top of all this, my lab partner went on www.ratemyprofessor.com and realized that over 65% of each of his classes fail the class. They write the worst reviews ever on him too, and the worst part? Everything she told me that everyone said, is true and exactly what we're going through.... Yes, I answered all the questions I could and flubbed the ones that stumped me and made me sit there for 2 hours. So I leave and feel more like a failure than ever. Seriously folks. I am feeling pretty stupid by this point. Especially since everyone around me knew I studied my butt off. Oh I can't wait for the quiz to come back... Yes sir... It's biology. It's a core class that everyone has to take. Every single teacher that teaches it sucks from the site and from word of mouth.
I am so nervous that I go talk to the VA people about failing a class and having to pay it back. After all, I am not trying to ride a free ride, but paying back a class isn't something I am jumping up and down to do either. I talk to the nicest girl and she tells me that on our college campus the science department is on of the hardest to pass in our state. Ummm. Really? Now I don't expect it all fed to me on a silver platter, but what happened to wanting to see your students succeed? To really teach them something they will learn and remember? what happened to actually seeing light bulbs go off in your students to know that as you succeed, they will too? What. A. Mess. And I'm in the middle of it. Can't drop out, its too late. But I did learn that if I keep attending class and show that I did in fact go, if I do end up failing it the VA won't do anything. I have 3 times to do something like this and then after that I'll have to pay. Trust me when I tell you this that relief flooded over me. Not because I think I have a free ride, and can now just fail the class. I'll still try my hardest, I will. I don't roll like that. But I felt a lot more freer to not stress over it if I actually do. It does set me back a bit, but that is life. I also feel better knowing that while I might still feel stupid, that if each class actually has a 65% rate of failing students that it isn't all me. That this class doesn't have to define whether I can make it through school or not. It's just a class. And its a hard one at that.
So today I'm going to find grateful things to write about concerning school..
1. I was able to quit my job and go back to school.
2. The campus is literally only 10-15 minutes away from our home.
3. I am doing VERY well in my other two classes.
4. I am thankful for the VA to allow D to transfer his GI bill to me so I can be able to use it.
5. My math teacher is the best teacher ever!
6. I am going to art events that I never thought I would.
7. My school schedule allows me to be able to be there for Alyssa at any moment.
8. My family is my biggest cheerleader with me being in school.
9. There are people in my class who are extremely kind.
10. I love all of the trees on the campus. I am in love with them, every single one!
While I know this post was a downer, I think ending it with being grateful allows me to buck up lil' camper and press on!
