To talk about Jesus.
I don't know where you, the reader is
in their faith and honestly that doesn't
matter. Well it does in the sense that Jesus
wants a relationship with you. But my
purpose is to just share about my life and
the things He's done in it. So whether you
are walking with Jesus or not, I feel the need
to share.
And you can leave right now, or not.
That is your choice too.
This post is about my story.
I got saved in 1994. Although I don't really claim that date. I truly don't feel like I really can.
You see there was this woman who always spoke the gospel to me. My purpose for going to her
though, was to see how badly I could shock her with the choices that I was making in my life at the time. Interestingly enough to me, she never wavered. She just loved me through it all. I wasn't very close to this woman. In fact, I worked for the college at the time and she happened to work in the same place. Kinda like one of my bosses {I was a resident hall assistant}. Her office was right around the corner from my dorm room. I'd go talk to her when I felt like it or had done something nasty and wanted to see if she would consistently love me, she did. I think she must of talked about Jesus with me for 2 years straight. Now mind you, she talked to me but never was preachy or pushed it on me. She just would say things like there is someone who will love you unconditionally, or He can make the pain go away, etc. I appreciated this canter because I don't know what I'd of done had she shoved Jesus on me.
Okay so Thanksgiving 1994. I was going to stay in the dorms alone during the break. They did this often for me, because I never went home to FL. much at all. I think they knew this and took pity on me and allowed me to stay all the time when the school was closed. Well one day I was in talking with her and I started asking questions. The more I asked the more she told me. It sounded awfully easy.. Just to ask God into my life and heart. Easy enough. I knew by this time I wanted to get to Heaven and in doing that meant I had to have a pow-wow with God. After she and I talked for a bit, she left. I went into my dorm room got on my knees and asked God into my life. I wished I could say I was a changed person after that. And I had a halo. But truth be told, I did that and thought cool I can go to Heaven now. Then I got up and continued leading the very sinful life that I was just minutes before. I do believe God was and always was watching over me as I can recount things that He kept me from. But I wasn't truly walking with Him, nor did I know Him at all. I didn't think I needed to do that you see. I said I wanted Him to come into my heart but didn't realize you have to actually change and walk the walk. It is why I truly felt like my rebirth came years later.
Oh. I tried to go to church. I liked it. I did a bible study with a couple of other girls too and liked that as well. I even went on 2 women's retreats. I sometimes read my bible too. But in between all of that, I still never changed. I damaged my body, had low self-esteem, still was trying to fill and God-shaped hole, and pushed the ticket on living with everything I did. I had an invincible attitude mind you.
There wasn't anyone that came along side of me to show me the way. I didn't have accountability, nor did anyone truly care whether I went to church or not. The people I hung with didn't really know that I was trying.. And let me just share with you that my experience is today it is still hard. Because it is easy to be fleshly. However, I know what that is like and even though I slip and fall, I know my God is there. We're tight like that. Let me just share with you that I don't blame those around me who weren't there for me. Because I truly wasn't living that life on the inside, I surely wasn't living it on the outside so no one assumed I had changed. Because in truth, I hadn't. So things started slipping away. I stopped going to church, reading, doing bible studies, etc.
The old habits of my life were hard to die from. Suddenly knocks at the door started happening again and I found myself in several different relationships again and again. I wanted to be loved you see. And I sought that love in men who completely and utterly failed me every single time. But it fit the need of my low self-esteem, or so I thought. so I trudged on. But it didn't last long. I had had enough of men and how they treated me much less how I felt about myself. So I kicked them and that lifestyle to the curb and just decided to read the bible. There had to be answers in there somewhere. Of course this is when I met Dayv, which I have shared several times. If you are inclined and haven't read it, here it is again.
The very long story of us.
This is about me, but I must share with you that I didn't grow up in church. We did the whole Easter/Christmas thing and when I was 13 my mom gave David {my brother} and I a choice. Of course we chose not to go.. And that was that. But Dayv grew up in church, forced down his throat it was. So he turned away from it because his church was a lying one.
Okay... So when I met Dayv I was trying hard to read, study, and learn. But there in lies again I had no accountability no one to turn too with questions, and no understanding of what it meant to walk with Jesus. But I knew something had started to change on the inside. Of course without accountability, my walk or whatever it was suffered. Dayv wasn't into it and didn't want anything to do with it. So that ended that. Because he wasn't, neither was I. Even though I had encounters with the HS, I still put it down. Being fleshly remember was pretty easy. I had done that all of my life. Of course I was married by this time.
We lived our lives. Like roommates. I was null in spirit and felt dead a lot of the time. Then in 1998 I truly felt like I wanted to start going to church. I had sought out a chaplain for marriage counseling and decided that he wasn't a freak and it might not be all that bad. I went for weeks. Months. By myself. I remember driving in the car one day across base feeling lighthearted. Honestly I think it was the start of something HUGE changing in me. The Lord was at some serious work! I liked the experience. I liked the car rides every Sunday morning across base too. But honestly I never fit in. No one ever reached out to me, even though they were polite. I never talked with anyone, had accountability, or anything. So even though I knew the Lord was at work, I needed something more. But inside it truly started to change. The Lord had a hold on me and wasn't going to let go this time. I walked, but didn't really walk. If that makes sense. I didn't even know I needed to have a personal relationship with Jesus. Like Jesus and I were best friends? Who woulda thought.
We moved to England in 2000. It is there where my life drastically changed. After being there about 2-3 weeks I enrolled Alyssa in a dance class. It was there I met the woman that would love me, hold me accountable, and walk with me. Of course the day she asked me to go to a woman's bible study I said to her, study? What do you do. Because you see even though I had studied with a few peeps in college, I was in for a BIG OLE' HUGE SURPRISE! I turned her down. The class wasn't starting until 2 weeks later she said. I am sure she prayed for me. We talked each class and she talked to me about scrapbooking and that struck a big cord with me! LOL. When the class was started, she again asked me. This time I said sure why not. I figured if she went and was this nice, I could go. I never left! LOL.
The very first bible study I did was Power Of A Praying Wife. What better study could that of been since Dayv and I were struggling and I wanted to change him! :) But you have to realize the moment I walked into that church my entire life had change in an instant. There were loving people there. They cared about me from the onset of stepping into that place. They wanted to know me, liked me, and even loved me in a matter of weeks. And of course I am a boat jumper and wanted to what I learned later, was water walk {like Peter} and they were having this thing for the board of PWOC {protestant woman of the chapel} for a secretary. One week went by after they announced this position. I was sitting in the class and up my hand went! LOL. I didn't even pray about it, but God knew. I was secretary for a year, vice president the next two years!!! PWOC is an awesome group of woman. It was there that I met some of the most important people in my life still today. And I flourished. Over the next 6 years the Lord used me to be a prayer warrior, teach classes, make life long friendship, go through hardship, and truly learn what is meant to walk with Jesus and have him be my all in all. I was pushed, grew, was tested, learned, and found out who I was through Christ. I got baptized in 2001. I went on retreats, ate lunch with wonderful woman, got to know the chaplains well, and was knee-deep in our church.
Of course I have to share with you this change truly came because of that bible study. Because what turned out a way for me to think I would change Dayv through it, changed me. The entire study might have been about Dayv yes, but it was about me. It changed me through and through and struck a cord with each turn of a page. Sometimes I even hated it in the early stages because my intent and purpose was to change Dayv, not the Lord to change me! But what a book it was! I am blessed by it. Because through God, it saved my marriage.
Stayed tuned for more.
