Freedom.

I have spent the past year in imprisonment.
I have chained myself.
To food.
To Weight Watchers.
To obsession about gaining weight back that I lost.
To looking in the mirror and going from seeing God's beauty to see my ugly.
To worry.
To strife.
To food controlling me. Taking over.
To feeling fat. Unwanted. Ugly. And most of all a failure.
To not being able to love the gym and release stress, it only caused more.
To being a slave to the world and its torked views.
To feeling unbeautiful.
To not believing when Dayv would and says I am beautiful. Sexy. Hot.
To hating myself.
To binding myself in chains.
To feeling horrible about food and the things I stuck in my mouth and not enjoying food for what it was.
To desiring unhealthy.
To seeing a torked image, believing in that torked image, and becoming that torked image.
To loosing enjoyment in my life because of me choosing chains...

But on Saturday night I found freedom....
And I am not feeling 20 pounds lighter, or fresher, or like I can conquer the world.
No today what I feel is inner peace.
To know that it is okay.
Because last night I found freedom standing in our church praising God!

There was this worship service. It was a 24 hour service that started at 12 and ended Sunday at 12. Since Alyssa was at camp D&I decided to go. I am ever so glad that we did. The service was directed by God's hand.. Truly it was. So many people talked of freedom that night. The more I sat there and listened to words of worship and people's testimonies about various things I realized how much time, effort, and strife I have brought upon myself this past year. And I felt trapped.

And I realized I had done this to myself. I trapped myself. Then they showed this.



I have seen this before in church. But seeing it again I realized that all of those things that had been pulling me from God were the very things that God wanted to save me from. To release. To give me peace. Humility. Grace. Victory.

No longer will food have control over me.
No longer will I worry about what I am eating and how bad it is for me.
No longer will going to the gym be a chore.
No longer will I allow myself to look into the mirror and feel ugly. fat. unwanted.
No longer will I not believe Dayv when he says I am beautiful.
No longer will I be bound to thinking I am going to go back to the shape I used to be.
No longer will I hate myself.

Because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
And I have found freedom!