The prospect of light...

Isn't it amazing how God can turn something that was dark into light?
And how no matter how you think you can hide from the light, you simply cannot.
Especially if the light has touched you in your lifetime.
Sure you think you can run, hide, or out do it.
But that light is forever more there.
So no matter how far you stray
how far you run
or how far you fall
that light will be there to pick you up.
God is that good.

When we are focused upon God
and seeing only him, he will in turn bless us tremendously.
I try to do that daily.
Do I fail? Yes.
Am I a failure? Yes.
Because I try to do it on my own.
And that is where I fail.
But I know what darkness is.
I know what light is.
And trust me when I say this, I want that light.

I have been so overwhelmed lately. I am sure that you can tell this in my writings and by some other things as well. Moving is no joke. And here I was so focused on the excitement of it all, I never took into account the stress of it. That stress is now coming out. And it is really affecting me. I feel like I am driving a train and there are no brakes. I feel as though I will crash any minute, hitting that wall. I am only 5 days away from moving. 5 days! Can you believe that? And what has taken over is stress. The excitement has taken a backseat and well.. I am going to try today to get that back! I want the excitement part of moving. To be so stoked that we are being blessed with our very first home! A & I are going to start packing. I am a little late in the game, but I didn't think we'd actually "pack". Since we are moving close enough my plan was to just take stuff over. But packing will get me back in the game to focus. And that is really what I need to be doing.

So I am going to do a little bit of packing and a lot of bit of scrapping today! It's amazing to me when you put something down that you love a lot, that you truly get an itch to just pick it up back again and get to it. I didn't realize how therapeutic scrapping was for me. It releases stress and I channel creativity on to a page. I need that outlet. I know that you can attest to that as well, since most of us scrap! And I put that down, to allow all of this stress to creep in.

That light is starting to come back into my life. It is what I crave. Like those that like to live in warm, sunny places. They crave the light. I crave Jesus' love, grace, and mercy. And it's an easy fix because all I have to do is chose it.

Moving, coupled with work and the whole turn of events with that has left me completely and utterly stressed. I kept getting things thrown in my way with work. And every single time I got an answer, something would come up. I felt like I was again, on a train track that could not be stopped. I got so bad I don't even think I could hear God speaking. But once we stop, we truly make the choice to stop dead in our tracks, it is then that we hear loud and clear. Deep down, I've always know I'd go to Starbucks. God isn't finished with me yet with those people I work with. And of course the extra spending money is fun too. But it's amazing to me, once we pray for something that God will open up that door, only for us to screw it up. I asked for a job that would work for my family, one that I could actually work and bring home the extra buckage but that wouldn't mess up anything by taking me away from my family. They are first and foremost in my life. I might be going through utter chaos right now in my life, but I know that my family comes first. It is my job and I love that job. And he provided a job that wouldn't interfere with that what so ever. But I took it to another place, another level. I tried to make it go to the extra level by thinking I needed another title, more money, and so many other things. But he gently kept whispering, I gave you what you asked for Elizabeth... And you know what? The Starbucks job is more than I even asked for because deep down I prayed that I'd have more time in the day. He's given me that too cause I will probably be working the early morning shift. Which means I'll get off early enough to have my day to do the things I love doing, taking care of my home and my family. It's amazing to me how I struggled so much in this area until last night. I just sat down in the movie theater and realized how stupid I was. It was truly a V8 moment...

I am truly no different than anyone else. I struggle just like the rest of us do. I mess it up, get it wrong, try to kick Jesus out of my car, and just plain take the reigns. But crying out to God, is where my heart has always been. I've been struggling because I have been trying to do it alone, trying to do it all. I think I can handle it all, work it, tweak it, and try to bend it another way that it cannot simply go. And then I get to the point where I cry out to Jesus. It is then, that he loving takes me in his arms and provides everything. The grace, the mercy, the love, the forgiveness, the strength to pull through all of this. God does not want me on a train track without any brakes. He is my train. He is my brakes. He will not let me crash. And I failed this past week to see that.

But because of that light and knowing what I know, I surrender all the struggle to him.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
-James 1:2-9



This song by Casting Crowns, is fitting.
I struggled so much this week.
But today I am humbled.
Today I chose to see.
To focus upon Him.
To get me through this storm..
No matter how hard it truly is.

I hope today I've been an encouragement. My life as I have said is no different, I am not special. But I can attest that my calling is to share because I am real. So in this today, I hope you take something from this post and are able to reflect..